thesurvivor♥

Wednesday, July 30, 2008 8:59 pm

Unconscious death in 18 days?

18 days.
EIGHTEEN.

Yes. What's good about 18?
You get legalised for most things.
But you also can end your life in just 18 days.

Okay, perhaps not much on death, but health.

Let's see, what must I complete in 18 days,
1 : 250 paper model
3D model (includes structural, overall, external views)
Plans, elevations, sections on A1 boards (with shadow casting, human figures, landscaping)
8 A1 presentation boards

To think of it, it seems simple. Imagine your laptop gets hanged almost every 30minutes or so, working on a file more than 2000kB (approx amount) in it. Now, we have only about 2 weeks, excluding all other personal time for bathing, eating, 'sleeping', and traveling.

And I've a serious problem now. AH.
Oh aside from that, I do get hungry easily now.. :/

Tuesday, July 29, 2008 9:13 am

This love

has taken its toll on me.

Pretty much things happened over the days. But I'm glad that I've overcome it and things have been better than it was, though there were issues left my mind unsettling.

1. First sight of them seems pretty talented and good, but over the days of working with them, they just suck.

2. Work keeps me worried. Towards the submission of work has always been the most terrible job. Printing and reprinting. Money.

3. ....

Dozing off while changing is my hobby now.
And I very much look forward to coming days of mine.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm typing no-sense in this post!

Oh and I'm in for Hong Kong.
Hm, great plans ahead, not gonna miss them.
Drama stayover,
chalet,
JC 3! LOL. NOOOOOOO.

IT'S IN A MESS. MY BRAIN IS NOT ORGANISING MY WORDS.
..
WHY SO SERIOUS? '0'

Monday, July 21, 2008 8:57 pm

Your passion is my smile.

It has never been the same before.
I rather prefer the past you gave me. Perhaps?

What will happen if not for my call?
Things left the same as it were?
Or, be gone forever?

Having afraid of the latter one, I chose to call.
'Cos I don't wanna fail myself again..

By being silent,
to me,
is an excuse;
a disappearing act;
a retreat.

Your silence makes me guilty, makes me wanna run away from you.
At times like this, it really makes me wanna tear.
Yet at the same time, I want you to learn, to understand.
But most importantly, do you know me?

If you're tired of guessing game, tell me.
If you're tired of surprises, tell me.
If you're tired of me, tell me too..
Sigh.

Why is it that whenever I feel stronger for someone, someone seems to let go of me slowly?
Maybe I'm thinking too much again.
It has always been this case, that makes others dislike me..

Saturday, July 19, 2008 11:22 pm

Phone gone bad.

My handphone is officially down, it has got bugs! I guess.
OMG.
Perhaps due to my bluetoothing, and connecting to my laptop.
And my laptop has virus? bugs? 0.o
:(

I needa reservice it or get a new phone.. HELP! I CAN'T STAND IT!

1. It hangs on its own.
2. It switches off and on on its own.

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Red Cliff is nice despite its abrupt ending which makes as a selling point for its part II!
Takeshi is quite cute (funny) in the show. HAHA. Zhu ge liang.

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Things are solved. Hm, it was just a misunderstanding. (:
Phew.

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I seem so shagged whenever I'm on the bus. The sleeping pill.
Playing of lift doors are fun. The hi bye pill. LOL.

Friday, July 18, 2008 6:36 am

In for a big time.

Architecture is an expensive course, I've mentioned that before since last year.
Last year was pretty alright, though it accumulated to at least a 3-digit budget at the end of year 1. :(
This year.. it's just half of the year and it has exceeded my 3-digit budget. T.T

It costs us a bomb when comes to printing. And perhaps on model-making too. I so gonna kill myself for that. My family isn't that well off, neither are we suffering from not having enough nutrition etc. It's just a managable tiding period for our family of 5. The extra expenditure would be, tuition for every subject given for lil bro, and my necessary work purchasing that might end up beyond $200 at the end of year 2?

I guess I'm would be the one who might get my parents in tight budget just to provide my school needs.. And I ain't feeling good about it. As much as I want to do well in my studies, I'm trying not to adding on burden to them. But I think, by doing so, I'm just adding even more burden to them.. Getting money from them sometimes might be what I wanted to do, but at the same time, I feel guilty. I can't even support myself at this point of time 'cos I'm not working, etc.

I feel indebt to them. They could sacrifice themselves for us, their children. Sometimes when my mum bought food for us 'cos we don't want to eat her homecooked dinner, she will just try to finish them in the kitchen while we ourselves are enjoying the good food. But my bro and I will offer her our food too 'cos we know she will feel good inside knowing that we care for her too. I know they are noble. T.T

And I'm tearing right down. Whatthehell. Gosh.
Alright, have to go. TO PRINT AND REPRINT MY WORK.
There's a submission today. Sigh.
I've spent $30, and soon gonna add up to $54, JUST FOR THIS SUBMISSION ALONE.

Monday, July 14, 2008 11:43 pm

On a starless night,

On a starless night,
brightened up with a torch of light.

And the light comes from you.

Every lil thing about you, I mind.
Every lil part of you, is mine.

For every single word you give,
i keep it and never leave.

It feels as though I live in a lift,
life goes up and down,
and now I'm going up,
with my adrenaline running high,
and you as my gift.

This is for you,
my inspiration that came from you.
:D

Sunday, July 13, 2008 4:55 pm

Obstacle. Dead end ahead.

Ha. This shall be the post.

I did no wrong. My conscience is clear. I wonder what have I done to receive such treatment. I did help out, for others who asked for help. Am I selfish? People who do not help themselves, obviously they are just plain lazy. Why should I help and they get the credit? I just do not wish to let them be reliant on others.

Friendship, has been the frequent subject in this phase of my life.
Secondary school friends are still my trustworthy friends.
We can talk anything under the sun, accepting and understanding one another.
And not backstabbing, badmouthing on one another. Well, it did happened, but not involving me.
I don't like my work to be shared/ shown to others when those are my hardwork, and did it in like many hours or so? And people just take it or even modify it and claim as part of their research or even their work in just a spilt second.
Having people who are unsatisfied with you, putting you down, or even ignoring you, is really an uncomfortable feeling.
And when I refused to show, you start mimicking me, start making a fuss out of it. Calling me selfish.. If you need help, I will be more willing to help. I'm sorry but this is how I feel. If that is what makes you dislike me further. Be my guest.
Hm, thinking of the days back then, it was really a fine life with no lies.
I led on a pretty peaceful schoolgirl life,
You're just simply a loser. Someone who badmouths,
Walking to school every morning alone,
along the downlight of the pavement,

someone who claims to be a leader, with a hypocritical attitude behind that face of yours.

enjoying the fresh air breezing past me.
I despise you.
Oh, I want to return to my innocent past,
with nobody to worry about,
with myself to fend on.
Alongside would be my friends.
Though not always, but I enjoy better this way.
Just put yourself in my plight. HOW DO YOU FEEL?! WITH PEOPLE CALLING YOU SELFISH.
THINK AGAIN.
But, now, look at me.
Ha, so far off unexpected eh?

THINK OF THE DAYS THAT I SLOGGED OUT TO HELP YOU DO YOUR WORK, ANSWERING YOUR LATE CALLS JUST TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR WORK. I SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT YOU TO SLOG THROUGH THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS.
Well, things are unpredictable I guess.
At one point, they are friends,
At the other point, they became strangers.
AND I GET THIS KIND OF TREATMENT, BEING CALLED SELFISH??!.. Sigh.
It's just so amazing, isn't it?
Well, if there's no such thing like this, then again, it's just part of my overeacted sensitivity.
People just do not understand. But I bet such controversy and propaganda of such are going on in the dark.
Oh well, once again, I shan't let such things affect me.
I prefer peace.
Come to me if you think I've unjustified you.
Don't be a coward and badmouth behind a girl, if you're really doing so.

Friday, July 11, 2008 12:28 am

The word, 'alone'.

This word means alot to me.

Someone asked me to leave him alone.
And now, you said you want to be alone.

This word, one- word, yet so dangerous.
That predictable?

I hate this word.
So much so that I want to strike it off from English, and its history.

Perhaps, you just have to take one thing at a time.
Words are easy, actions are not.

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These past few days, I was in a dilemma.
Now, thinking of it, maybe, I made the right choice?

Was I left alone?
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Production Team-
Me, the role of Stage Manager.

We should all work on it, thoroughly.
I made the wrong move I guess.

I NEED SERIOUS SLEEPING HOURS.
Be fall, be fall, the fallen girl.
No way should I be the fallen girl.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008 9:40 am

Mind over body.

I'm feeling sleepy for every second it ticks away.

It has been a few nights since I slept well, or even slept. We have no choice, but to work our 'lives' out.
So what if we have only ONE project for whole of DARCH year 2?
Aside with it lies a thousand of deadlines, and other stuffs to meet with.

This list is just a lil part of it, marking off the end of each work - DARCH SUBMISSION LIST:

Terms used:
JC - Joint Critique (means presentation held among the cohort)
IR - Interim Critique (in individual class, small groups)
GFA - Gross Floor Area
DC - Development Control
BP - Building Plan? I think.
MD - Micro Design

Semester 1:
1. JC 1 (week 2) - This was the Punggol & Kallang group project. OVER.
2. IR 1 (week 6) - Individual work starts here. OVER.
3. JC2 (week 8) - Had to print A1 work, model, journal. OVER.
4. GFA DC Submission (week 10) - It was yesterday. OVER
5. DC Submission (week 11) - Next Friday.
6. Fire Exit Staircase (week 13) - On its detailings.
7. JC3 (week 15) - Colour printed A1 boards with the above process, etc.

6 weeks holiday? Since we have no exams, we get extra 2 weeks?

Semester 2:
1. BP Submission (week3)
2. IR3 (week8)
3. MD3 (week10)
4. JC4 (week14)

END OF YEAR 2.

Holiday - Attachment.

And then,
Year 3 starts.

Where's our life?!
Should I still pursue further? :(

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I'm just afraid I might leave one day.
My chest is aching now and then.
I don't know what's wrong with it.
But the pain comes from inside, I think is the bone?

In addition to that, I've not been sleeping. That's not a choice.
Day in day out, in front of my laptop and work.
Sleepy, and dizzy at times.

My eyesight is blurring too.

Are those signs of my ~~coming~~leaving?
I wonder if I still can make it in time for our ideal plans ahead..
or even, my birthday.

1 month and 5 days more to live, and counting.

Thursday, July 03, 2008 1:14 am

Happy together.

Happy times, good times, are bound to disappear at times...
especially,
WHEN THERE ARE SUBMISSIONS AFTER SUBMISSIONS!

Lol.

I guess I'm ALREADY IN-SANE.
No, not in a sane state, but INSANE! :/

I talk and I sing to myself,
I turn into all kinds of personalities in myself, in the presence of all.
Is that considered as stress?

I tend to do certain actions, which are called habits. And it's proven that it is due to stress that such habits of actions appear. So, if you see me making my hair, erm well, is that considered as an act of stress or vainness?

I WANT MY NYNY CARDDDDDDDD BACK! :X
HAHAHA. You know what I'm hinting at. Hiak hiak.

Oh, and recover fast, Jie!
*Sends you to poke center*
**Bellsproutttt~**

I think, we're doing pretty fine, better than I thought. :D
And, neither will I want to give it up for anything.
For a lifetime.